Tag Archives: happiness

Exactly Who I Want Be

I laugh with tears in my eyes.

It is what I have realized, never what I expected.

I can be exactly who I want to be.

And how is this something I could not see?

It is you with me, and doing what I need, to be exactly who I want to be.

Confounded by the limitations and the can nots and must nots, I failed to see.

I can be exactly who I want to be.

That Moment

I think it is good to have that moment

The moment you look back and feel deep melancholy

You see what is lost and mistakes made

But you see it with satisfaction, heartache, but satisfaction

Because now you know

Now you know that’s what had to happen for you to be where you are and love who you love and miss who you miss

I think it is good to have that moment

To remain broken

And maybe the world just needs me to be heart broken. Maybe I am doomed to feel all the love possible, and feel it ripped from my chest. After all, I’m different when I’m heart broken. My mind explodes. Creativity, hope, passion pours out of me. Out of the broken pieces. I am fearless. I am reckless. Nothing can hurt you when you cannot feel. But just before I go numb. I feel everything. I feel guilt. I feel his pain. I mourn him. I desire him. My chest shrinks, constricting my lungs. Taking my breath. It’s unbearable. I feel too deeply. So I turn it off. It becomes so much, it hurts so badly, I just stop feeling. Maybe I must always be broken. And as I am numb, a new love saves me and again breaks me. A cycle of love, heart ache, and emptiness. Maybe the world needs me to remain broken.