Tag Archives: challenges

Wickedness

This is my world
Colored with rainbows and sunshine
Colored with shadows and rain
This world is mine
Thriving with innovation
Thriving with deprivation
This world – internalized
Dying with old age and excitements
Dying with abuse and pollutants

She Cried Why

Freestyle with my ukulele. A story of child abuse.

Just out of grasp

The year started with utter chaos. I had found myself after such long expanded attempts and have lost myself in an instant. How impeccably ironic. How insanely sane it is to be capable of losing your lives progress within a moment. And in what moment has it been lost? I cannot say. I view myself as unbreakable, yet break unknowingly rather quickly, I find when reflected on. Merely moments of weakness or truly breaching my limits? The fact that I am so incapable of answering these questions leads me to believe I have in fact lost myself. We all have an ideal self. But is this ideal who we truly think we are or just a socially portrayed idea of unobtainable perfection? I have the sense that I am a particular person and I cannot be happy unless I align my life with this mentally created happy version of myself. Is this not insanity? Is this not brilliance? I have an idea of exactly how to be happy and yet I refuse to let myself live this internal self. Is this due to external pressures insisting me to be someone else? Or possibly past habits that challenge my attempts to change? Honestly, deeply, is this what we are supposed to feel? I can see my soul, yet it’s just out of grasp.