Freestyle with my ukulele. A story of child abuse.
Why do we have vices. Why do we crave mistakes. We want to act out. To get in trouble. Let’s stand out. Let’s get out. Let’s cry out. Can’t we feel that a mistake, the problem we form without a cause, it is merely a desire to escape the boundaries we feel we must live in. Is it necessary to escape? Maybe not for everyone. Maybe not for you, but for me, I need escape. I need panic. I need thrill. I need what others consider insanity. If I’m not jumping over the edge I’m not alive. Why? If I can’t expose the depth of who I am, do I exist? I feel as if I am not close to anything, including reality, if I can’t just bare my soul. I must make my self vulnerable. I must challenge the expectations that others hold because if I do not I feel as if I’m hiding. I wonder. I wonder if calm people are really just calm or if in reality they are just drowning who they are deep under the social structure they have been placed in. I used to. I was drowning. I could hardly breathe. I was overwhelmed, so underwhelmed. I could not meet my potential, couldn’t even reach for it because I was trying so hard to be who people wanted me to be. Is that you? Are you hiding? I want to pull you out. Give you air.