Isn’t it interesting when realities become nightmares.
I toss and turn at night, crying in my sleep as my heart rebreaks in a dream. Mind of mine, let me lay in peace. I do not wish for his face to haunt me and I do not wish for the future to taunt me. Let me rest. Let me recover. Life is challenging enough without your dark reflections and introspections.
I wish to lay still; to be still.
I glance at the bathroom. The door is wide open. I can hear the water running in the shower. The sheet has fallen to the floor and I lay on the bare bed. It’s stained and worn. I see something that looks like blood and wonder who else has laid on this bare bed with the sheet fallen to the floor. It smells musty. A bit old, maybe almost rotten, yet somehow I like the smell. It smells familiar and comfortable, yet I’ve never been here. I look back into the bathroom. The mirror is foggy from the steam and drips onto the counter. There’s a glass jar. I notice a toothbrush. It’s frailed with green grips, but there’s another. This one seems fresh. The grips are pink. Pink. Would he have a second toothbrush for himself that is pink? Or have I done it again? Laid and somehow betrayed. I shuttered at the thought. It feels like just yesterday I faced a girl with a broken heart. Who wanted to blame me, to hate me, and maybe she did, but more she hated herself for loving him. I can’t do this again. I can’t face this other toothbrush. I grab my clothes. I rush out unexplained.
Her feet thud on the ground. Her legs stride heavily towards her destination and away from her damnation. Deep in reflection, thought, she feels the cool air through her hair, against her, through the depth of her. She aches for escape. Optimistically searches for her resilience, her brilliance. She looks for quiet, yet only hears the rush of her thoughts and their invoking ideas. A life unquestionably difficult. We all struggle. They say it’s only the perspective that makes the difference. Only if they knew her struggle, then they’d realize pain is not distributed evenly. Some people live cursed lives. Some people, as her, are haunted by society telling her the life she was supposed to have rather than supporting her through the one she has. She looks over the ocean. It’s vastness enthralled her. The depth of reflection.
The needle pricked her skin. She hardly noticed. It is oddly extraordinary how mental pain can completely mask physical pain. She was deep in thought. She replayed the beautifully haunting events that had incurred a few weeks ago. The nurse yanked the needle from her skin along with the tube of blood she had drawn. “I’ll take this to the lab and we will give you a call letting you know your results,” the nurse said as she rushed out the door. She sat confused. Was she supposed to leave or wait for some other strange form of examination? She decided to wait a few minutes then leave if no one returned. Just as she came to this decision the doctor came in. “Oh good, I see you put the robe on, let’s go ahead and take a look then.” She began to shake again. How had something like love lead her to this? How could so-called passion lead to emotionless examination of her “forbidden parts.” Her mind wandered back to the cause of these events. She was laughing as he wrapped his arms around her shoulders pulling her close. He whispered to her, only her, “I love the sound of your laugh.” “Does this hurt,” the doctor’s quick and sharp words brought her back to reality. “No,” she answered. The doctor gathered his things, told her everything seems fine, and that she could go. As she rushed out the words of a nurse rang behind her, “we’ll call you with your results.” She glanced at her phone hoping he had text her. As she expected, no reply. He hadn’t said a word to her since that night. She walked towards the bus stop, tears filling her eyes. She thought it was love. She craved him. She thought he felt the same. They had met only two months ago, but she thought soulmates, or something like that, love each other quickly. The princess met the prince, immediately fell in love, and married a few days following, right? So where is he? Why has he not called or text? She stood at the bus stop. Noticed the man undressing her with his eyes, even though tears were falling down her face.
This is the second part of an ongoing short story serious I will be doing. The first story is called “Ever Since He Had Touched Her.”
She leaned forward on the edge of her seat. She felt the sweat drip down the back of her legs. She was nervous the seat would be wet when she stood. Then everyone would be able to see how the heat and hidden nerves were affecting her. Pretty, skinny girls aren’t suppose to sweat, at least that’s what society had told her. She tore her skin from the leather bench in the waiting room. She regretted wearing the shorts that had exposed the skin that stuck to the seat. Every moment only intensified the nerves and fear. The doctor stared at her with a disapproving smile as she slowly inched towards him. She knew the way the world looked at a girl who should look innocent, but covered it up with piercings, tattoos, and revealing clothes. The skin exposed that she’s supposed to be ashamed of. The doctor greeted her with a “this shouldn’t take long.” She hadn’t even considered it taking long. She didn’t know how long it took to see if you had an STD or as they say it, an unplanned pregnancy. She wasn’t sure what was wrong with her. Or.. What wasn’t wrong with her. She felt sick. All the time. Ever since he had touched her. Maybe it was all in her mind or maybe his “love” had infected her. The doctor lead her to an entirely white room or supposed-to-be white room. He quickly told her, “the nurse will be with you in a moment, get undressed.” She found herself shaking after hearing his words. Why is getting undressed so scary? She hardly had any clothes on anyways, but it frightened her. She felt exposed and vulnerable. She didn’t feel like her body was her own, but rather an object awaiting manipulation and examination. The nurse yanked the door open, making her jump. “I’m going to take some blood,” she said blandly.
Interested? I’ll add more to the story every couple of days!(: